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Finally An Update : Suicidal Kids, DIE !

I forgot I had a blog. Hence the delay.

Suddenly, there's a massive increase in the number of kids trying to kill themselves. Good, we need a population control system, and suicide is effective. I fully support teachers to make exams as tough as possible, and cane the students on misbehaviour. Promote suicide.

Here's a suicide guide for you, population control for the stable masses :

1. Jump from a building

Difficulty : 5
Because some obese kids have trouble climbing stairs. Alternative : Elevator.

Chances of Death : 9
Falling down while accelerating at 10 m/s² can be fatal 90% times.

Excitement Factor : 10
Yeah! Watching stuff, especially people, falling from tall spots is fun !

2. Cut/Stab yourself and bleed to death

Difficulty : 3.5
3 for the wrist, 4 for the neck.

Chances of Death : 8
Big slits/deeper wounds cause quicker deaths = better population control.

Excitement Factor : 0
Watching people cut themselves is boring.

3. Shoot yourself

Difficulty : 1
What's so tough about shooting yourself ?

Chances of Death : 9.5
There have been cases of survival even after a shot to the head. Use small guns, trying to shoot yourself in the head with a sniper rifle would be as stupid as Teletubbies.

Excitement Factor : 8
Boom Headshot !

4. Hanging

Difficulty : 4
Chances of Death : 7
Excitement Factor : 0

Avoid this method, its no fun.

Now all that you have to do is link this page to every suicidal kid you know, this would really help them. You're also making a great contribution to the world - population control. We don't need dipshit kids who want to die. Go ahead : Nobody Cares.

If you happen to have a printing press, here's a guide to fleece some money.

You own a printing press, no one's coming to your shop, you aren't earning money. What do you do? Print this :

Rough Translation :

Sai Baba's Astonishing Miracle !

In Sai Baba's temple, near Madras, a horrifying incident was seen, a priest was praying in the temple. Suddenly, he saw a snake, the priest got scared, the snake turned into a girl and told him, "Don't be scared, listen to what I say, today's world is full of sins and I'll take birth on the earth to get rid of these sins. Whoever prints 1000 paper copies of my name in 24 days, his wishes will be fulfilled and he will become rich. However, if he spends 24 days without printing these copies, he'll be ruined." With this, the snake parted. A person in Bombay got 1000 papers printed, and he received 51 lakh bucks. A person in Dhanbad printed 600 copies, and he received (within 8 days) a pot full of diamonds : he became a Millionaire. An unemployed boy got the papers printed and was gifted with a job.

Now, one person who didn't believe in this, tore the paper. His daughter died. Mr. Babulal Gupta in Agra read the paper and thought he would get it printed. He failed to do so, and his business suffered huge losses, and his wife died. In Bantalal village, 5 people printed 1200 copies together and they won 16 lakh bucks in a lottery using which they got a temple made.

"It is my prayer to everyone who reads this, don't throw it. You will surely get the fruit of printing this"

Hail to Sai Baba
___________

Now you got it, print the fucking thing, paste it outside your shop and sit back and watch the coffers fill.

Some tips for the businessman :

Use a macho pic
Use a universal language like English so you can trap Americans as well.
Make use of incidents, make them up, exaggerate them.

Some tips for the smarter individual :

Kill the snake. Or wait for it to turn into a hot female, then grab her.
If you receive the money, don't spend it on a temple. Go to Vegas.
If you receive a pot, smoke weed.
Trick a non-believer into reading the crap, then sit back and enjoy while a mysterious force ruins his life.
Tear the paper.

April Fuckin Fools' Day

No, its night. You guessed it, the last two posts were "April Fool's Day Posts". Don't ever take those seriously, I'll scoop my eyes out before making such lame ass posts. Eyes anyone ? Eyes ?